


Rerun

by DestinysBounty (MVPYurio), whichlights



Series: Coalescence [2]
Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: ((kinda)), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Autistic Lloyd, Drunk Kai, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Pybroyd, please, please give lloyd a hug, whatsits can fuck right off, yeah lloyd has a bad day y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 03:03:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12644841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MVPYurio/pseuds/DestinysBounty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/whichlights/pseuds/whichlights
Summary: Lloyd vanishes, again.





	Rerun

**Author's Note:**

> don't fucking touch this if you ship greenflame or greenstorm like this isn't even funny don't FUCKING TOUCH THIS just FUCK OFF INTO THE DAMN SUN
> 
> in other news, please be warned that this fic is fucking dark, as funny as some parts are. please know that you do NOT need to read this to understand any future installments of Coalescence. this fic is part of Coalescence canon, as it were, and parts of it will be alluded to, but it is NOT essential. PLEASE don't read this just because you're worried you won't understand the rest of the series.
> 
> did we mention that whatsits can fuck right off???? yeah? well let's mention it again, whatsits can fuck right off.

“Lloyd, wake up!” Kai called, banging on the door.

Instead of Lloyd’s usual response of _wake me up inside_ , Kai was met with silence. Kai sighed and banged on the door again. “Wake up! Training is starting!”

More silence. Kai grumbled and opened the door. “Kid, come on-”

Lloyd wasn’t in his room. His room had never been clean or organized, but right then it looked like an army had crashed through it. Everything was displaced, and there were new slash marks against the walls. Kai’s blood froze.

“Lloyd?” Kai asked, just to make sure this wasn’t a prank.

“Guys! Guys, we have a PROBLEM!” Kai yelped, stumbling to the training room. Everyone stared at him. “Have you seen Lloyd?”

“No, he was still asleep. You went to go wake him up.” Jay put his nunchucks on the hook on the wall. “Wait… is he not there?”

“Check the crow’s nest-” Cole started to offer, but Kai interrupted him.

“No, no his room looked like it’d been _attacked_ . I don’t know what happened and it’s driving me crazy.” Kai breathed out, his hands in his hair. “Okay. Okay, where’s Nya? Guys, _Nya was right here, where is she_?”

“I’m right here, Kai, geez, I went for a water,” Nya said, walking in. “What happened?”

“God, you’re okay.” Kai was shaking, leg bouncing even as he was standing. Great, anxious stimming. “It’s Lloyd.”

“What happened?” Nya asked.

“It’s. God, I need a drink, someone fill her in.” Kai felt bad for running out of the room, but he really did need a drink. He knocked on Wu’s door, eyes wide. Wu opened the door, and said, “what happened to you?”

“It’s Lloyd. He- he’s gone, okay. His room looks like it was attacked, which is terrifying because if he was attacked, we would have heard it. Right? _Right_?”

Wu held up a finger and closed the door on Kai, and then opened it back up, holding a sports bag. Wu pulled a bottle of vodka out of the bag and gave it to Kai. “You have ten seconds to inhale as much of this as you can. I’m timing you. Go.”

Kai didn’t hesitate. Once his ten seconds were up, nearly half of the bottle was gone, and Wu took it away from him. “Better?”

Kai nodded. “Alright. Alright, okay, now, where is Lloyd?”

“We’ll find him, Kai. Breathe. You’re scaring everyone.”

“No one else is here besides us.”

Wu pointed to where the other ninja were gathered in the hall.

“And,” Wu added. “You’re scaring me.”

Kai sighed, sitting down on the floor. “We have to find him. I- We have to find him.”

Nya sat down next to her brother, resting her head on his shoulder lightly. “We will. I promise we will.”

“No. I mean. Now. We need to start _now._ We—Nya, we have to get to the bridge. We—”

“On it,” said Nya. She helped Kai off of the floor and started leading him off. Then she turned to the others. “Well? What’re you all waiting for? Move it!”

“Why can’t I do that?” Kai muttered as the other ninja leapt up to follow Nya.

“No idea,” Nya shrugged. “Alright, I need all hands on deck. Until we have at least some sort of lead to chase, we don’t stop. Are we clear?” She earned three salutes and a “yes ma’am” from Kai. “Then let’s get to work, boys.”

About ten minutes in, Nya wandered over from her station to check on Kai. “You holding up alright, bro?”

“No.”

“Fair enough.”

“Hey,” Jay called over from where he was typing commands into a computer, “it can’t be any worse than the last time Lloyd disappeared, can it?”

Silence. Dead silence. For the first time in history, the ninja learned what Zane’s processor sounded like.

Kai got up from his station, walked over to the still-open sports bag, grabbed the vodka, and left the room.

“You’re really lucky he grabbed that bottle,” Nya said quietly. She whirled on Jay. “Otherwise I’d have smashed it over your head.”

“In hindsight, that was poorly put…”

“Hindsight, like the year you might not live to see, is 20/20,” Nya growled.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me.”

Cole grabbed Jay’s arm before he could leave the room. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Go talk to him, Cole,” said Nya. “Jay, go sit in the corner of shame and think about what you’ve done. Zane, keep watching the bridge.” She pulled out her phone. “If we’re one Kai down, that means we need backup, and fast.”

“Who are you going to call?” Zane asked.

“Ghostbusters,” Nya deadpanned. “Hopefully that won’t be literal.”

“I don’t get the joke.”

“Later, tin can,” said Cole. “Nya, seriously. Who’s your backup?”

“The only person on this planet who might know more about Lloyd than we do.”

Jay blinked a few times from the corner of shame. “Wait, you don’t mean—isn’t that unethical or something? Bringing in a kid who has no training or elemental—”

“Have we ever actually cared about ethics?” Nya asked. “Besides. Micah can help.”

“When has Micah ever been helpful—I don’t mean it in the ‘he’s useless’ way, I just… well, if we have to fight someone, he’s useless.” Cole shrugged.

“I’m calling him right now, if only because it’s not fair to him to hide the fact that his boyfriend is missing.” Nya picked up her phone and called. “Micah? There’s an emergency. It’s Lloyd. How soon can you get to the Bounty? Look, everything's gonna be fine.”

Nya hung up. “He’ll be here in ten minutes.”

“God, where is Lloyd?” Jay muttered. “Have we tried tracking his phone?”

“Gee, wish I’d thought of that!” Nya said. “Zane, show them Lloyd’s phone.”

Zane held up a shattered phone. “It was in his room.”

Kai waltzed back in, wobbling on his feet. “So. I am officially out of vodka. Oh, and drunk. What can I do?”

Nya thought about it. “How about you drive? No- no, that was sarcastic. Just don’t panic, for now. Think.”

“Kai, I’m sorry—”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Kai muttered. “I just want my brother back.”

“I know you do,” said Cole, walking over to Kai’s side. “We all do.”

Kai flung his arms around Cole, clinging tightly.

“Whoa—dude—okay, hey. Hey. It’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

“I don’t wanna lose him,” Kai mumbled into Cole’s chest.

“I know,” Cole said softly, holding Kai close. “I know.”

“I think I wanna pass out now.”

“You do tha—oh. Oh, you meant right now.” Cole grunted softly as he scooped Kai up. “God, Wu is gonna kill you.”

“Go take him out to the deck,” said Nya. “I know what happens when Kai gets drunk, and I don’t want him near my machinery.”

Jay wrinkled his nose. “Eww.”

Cole raised an eyebrow. “I remember back in the old days when there were only three of us and everything sucked, you got really shitfaced—”

“That’s enough of that, thanks.”

The door to the bridge flew open. “Someone tell me everything. Now.”

“Hey, Micah,” said Nya. “So… Lloyd went missing. We all woke up and he was gone. And his room’s look like… well, like something’s crashed through it.”

“Let me see,” said Micah. “I brought my gear.”

“Your gear?” Jay asked, grinning.

Micah shifted his backpack on his shoulders. “What, you think I just sit around and write songs about how I don’t understand what’s going on?”

Jay raised an eyebrow. “I mean, you do do that…”

“Not the point. I had a feeling this day would come. Someday, something bad was going to happen and Lloyd was going to disappear. And, well, we were trying to prepare for that.”

Micah dumped the contents of his bag onto the table. “As you can see, we were wildly successful.”

“What’s that?” Nya asked, pointing at a long rectangular device with a blank screen.

Micah picked it up. “It detects the location of Lloyd’s elemental signature.”

“Oh, shit, nice!” Jay grinned.

“Two problems,” Micah muttered. “One- it can only hold a charge for ten minutes. Two, it’s absolutely _useless_. It only works if you’re already in a two mile radius. We’ve been trying to work on it, but it’s slow going.”

Zane took the device from Micah. “You know, it would take too long to modify the entire design, but if I plug it into me to give it constant power, and flew around on my dragon, that might work.”

Cole came back in. “Alright, Kai’s on the deck, what’d I miss?”

“Micah and Zane solving all our problems?” Jay offered.

“You’re shitting me.”

“No. Okay, um, Zane, I think I have the charger in here somewhere.” Micah rummaged in his stuff. “Here.”

Zane opened a latch in his arm, and plugged in the device. The screen lit up blue with a street map showing up. Micah pointed at it. “A green dot will show up on the map once we’re in range. It shows streets and stuff of all of New Ninjago City, but after you leave the city, no streets. It’ll still show the signature, but with no street names as guides.”

“Micah, have I mentioned you’re a genius?” Cole asked.

Micah smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Let’s just find Lloyd.”

There was a faint retching sound from on deck. Nya sighed. “Who wants to tell Kai?”

“I will,” Jay said.

“And me,” Cole added.

“I need to be on the deck anyways for my dragon. I’ll accompany them as well.”

“Micah, stay here with me. We’re going to continue looking from the bridge.”

“Okay.”

\---

“Hey, Jay, there’s a stash of alcohol in my room, could you go grab that?”

“Why do you have alcohol in your room?” Jay questioned.

“In situations like this, I need it.” Kai stumbled into an upright position. “I can’t walk, but I think I function better drunk.”

“Cause that makes sense,” Cole muttered.

Kai pointed at him. “Yes. It does. Thank you.”

“Kai, we might have figured out how to find Lloyd. Micah and him were working on a Lloyd tracker. It’s shitty, but it might work. Zane’s going to try it out.”

Kai’s eyes were wide. “Really? Really? You’re not just saying that?”

“I would never just say something like that to hear myself talk.”

Kai hugged Cole tight, breathing deeply. “God. Thanks. Thanks.”

And then Kai started crying.

Awkwardly, Cole hugged him. “It’s okay.”

“God, I’m such a mess? Lloyd is missing and I’ve spent the morning drinking. I promised to look out for my little brother, and I failed, and now I’m crying in one of my crush’s arms,” Kai sniffled.

Jay looked at Cole like _say something_.

Cole looked at him like _what?_

Zane looked at them both like _anything!_

“One of?” Cole managed.

“I’m in love with you three?” Kai tried. “Yay?”

“Okay, your timing is shit, but nice,” Jay said.

Zane leaned over and kissed his forehead. “I have to go look for Lloyd. But I love you too, Kai.” He jumped off the Bounty, forming his dragon and taking off.

“You’re a disaster and you’re drunk off your ass and you’re going to hate yourself for telling me you liked me, because guess what,” Cole declared, “I’m your boyfriend now. I’ve decided.”

“That’s not how that works,” Jay argued.

“Sure it is. Kai wants me to be his boyfriend, don’t you Kai?”

“He wants all of us to be his boyfriends, Cole.” Jay stuck his tongue out.

“We can work out the logistics of that later. But it’s definitely open to consideration.”

“It feels like not everything is complete shit now?” Kai tried, still wrapped in Cole’s arms. “We have a possible way to find Lloyd, I got to drink, and you guys are considering dating me. This day still sucks, but maybe now it’s not the end of the world.”

“Yes, we’ve achieved ‘not end of the world’ status!”

“ _I’m happy for you guys_ ,” Nya’s voice said over the speakers, “ _but can we_ please _focus_?”

Kai rubbed his forehead. “If I get sober I am going to get shit scared. I need another drink.”

Jay offered him his arm. “Then off we go! To possibly unhealthy coping mechanisms!”

“Hey, I know my limits,” Kai argued.

“We’ll make sure he doesn’t get alcohol poisoning, Nya,” Cole called.

“What impressive standards,” Nya said dryly. “Okay, so Micah’s Lloydometer doesn’t have any mechanism to connect back to the Bounty computers, so we have to be on the listen for Zane to tell us he’s got something and send it to us personally. Be on standby, and ready for a fight.”

“Not sure how ready Mr. Hot Shots Shots Shots will be,” Jay pointed out. “But Cole and I are here, queer, and ready to kick some hiney.”

“Sounds good,” said Nya. “And I’ll be able to fight as well. Micah, you can hold the fort, right?”

“Absolutely,” said Micah.

Suddenly, Zane’s voice cut through. “I’ve got a reading. Sending coordinates to you now.”

“You’re shitting,” said Nya.

“I can assure you that I have not defecated recently, and certainly not in the past ten minutes.”

“That means ‘are you serious,’ Zane,” Micah explained.

“Oh. Well. I am serious. The readings are right here.”

Nya pulled up the readings on the Bounty screen. “Then let’s get him.”

~~~~

“Okay, gang, let’s drop right here,” said Nya. They were standing on the deck, still hovering, a few blocks away from where they had found the reading. “Remember, be prepared for anything. Our primary goal is to get Lloyd and get out.”

“Understood,” said Jay. He walked over to Kai and kissed his hand. “Kai, babe, you stay here and try not to puke all over us when we get back.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” Jay waved before taking off after the others. Kai stared as they disappeared.

_We’re gonna find you, Lloyd._

~~~~

“The reading is getting stronger,” said Zane. “It looks like Lloyd should be—”

“There,” Nya breathed, and she took off running, the other three close in tow.

And there he was. Lying on the ground. Covered in blood. Looking, quite frankly, more dead than alive.

And surrounded by figures.

They were white, completely white, with no faces, no distinguishable markings, no anything, and they carried white weapons of various sorts.

“I’ve never seen any of those before,” said Jay. “Any idea what they are?”

“Nope,” said Nya. “But we’re gonna have to get around them to get to Lloyd. And, going by our track record, just using the element of surprise isn’t gonna work.”

“What about the element of distraction?” Cole asked. “You, Jay, and Zane can get the guards to focus on you, I grab Lloyd and get out, and then we retreat.”

“It’s worth a try,” said Nya.

Silently, Jay scooped a rock off the ground and tossed it at the nearest white figure. It bounced off its head with a dull bonk, and the figure didn’t have eyes, but it turned around at Jay.

Then it drew its sword and attacked him.

Jay shrieked and ran, at least three of them following him. “THAT WORKED IN THE JASON MYTH!”

“LIFE ISN’T GREEK MYTHOLOGY, JAY,” Zane snapped, tossing a shuriken at the next white figure. It lodged it in, but didn’t slow the figure down any.

Nya gathered her water, snarling and dousing half of the white figures’ ranks. The things seemed unfazed, and then ran at her. One ran at Cole as he stepped closer to Lloyd.

They were drastically outnumbered, and no one could get within ten feet of Lloyd, much less pick him up, or check if he had a pulse, and the white figures were unbeatable. Nothing would slow or stop them.

“This is the end, isn’t it?” Jay yelped, barely blocking a strike that could have sliced him in two.

“Sensei? Anyone?” Zane yelled into his comm, his shoulder injured and throwing off sparks. “We need backup!”

“What backup?” Cole demanded, shoving two white figures off of him. “Hey, are these things multiplying?”

“This is _so not fair_!” Nya complained. “Can’t they just let us beat them and go on our merry way!”

“Backup! _Please_!”

At least one thing was certain- Lloyd must have been alive, because one of the white figures kneeled beside him, almost protectively, with a sword out, and he let out a low scream.

~~~~

“ _Back- please! Backup_!” The comm was shot through with the sounds of fighting, but there were only two words, repeated over and over, so it wasn’t that hard to understand.

Wu frowned and looked at Micah, who was gripping the back of a chair with a white knuckle grip. “Micah, this isn’t fair for me to ask-”

“You want me to go,” Micah sighed. “Things are getting too intense, you want me out of the way-”

“I was going to say our current option for backup is somewhere between passed out drunk and incoherent drunk, and can barely find his own feet, much less walk in a straight line or, God forbid, fight. So I’m going to ask you to do something I wouldn’t unless these were desperate times.”

“ _Backup_ !” Nya shrieked again. “ _There are- many_!”

“You want… me to help?”

“I _need_ you to help. Micah, will you go save your friends?”

Micah blinked. “Sensei Wu, Lloyd is my boyfriend.”

“So that’s a yes?”

“Yes.”

Wu smiled. “I have something for you. Come with me.” Without another word, he led Micah through a door Micah swore hadn’t been there the last time he’d checked.

“What’s this for?” he asked.

“To give you a fighting chance.” Wu turned on a light and stepped aside to reveal—

“No way,” Micah whispered. “Is that—?”

“Go,” said Wu. “Save your boyfriend. And try to save the others, while you’re at it.”

~~~~

Things were looking even bleaker. Only Zane seemed to be making any progress taking them out, using a laser device that he’d installed a few months prior.

“We need more lasers!” Jay shouted, nearly missing another strike.

“Funny,” said Nya. “I’m not entirely sure where we’ll get those!”

Suddenly, a shadow appeared over the entire scene. “Great,” Jay muttered. “This’ll be good.”

“Sure will be!” shouted a muffled, somewhat metallic voice. Jay looked up to see a perfectly aimed laser pulse hit the guy he was fighting and take him out instantly.

And then he got a look at who fired it, and he was immediately hit with the view of a familiar figure: Samurai X.

“What the everloving—“ He whirled around to see that Nya was fighting someone else, and then back to Samurai X. “How are you here? Who’s piloting you?”

“I believe the questions you’re trying to ask are ‘why are you here’ and ‘do you have laser guns,’ to which the answers are ‘because you need backup’ and ‘absolutely.’ Now take cover!” they shouted. “It’s time to fuck shit up.”

The others obliged, huddling together and getting down as Samurai X began firing lasers at the white figures, taking them down with ease. Some of them, they literally _stomped on,_ confusing them for a moment before he shot them in the lack of face.

“Seriously, who _is_ that?” Jay asked. “Nya?”

“I’ve got nothing,” Nya replies. “I have no clue who that is. But what I know is this: I’ve never piloted like that before. Either someone has had my suit and has been practicing for months or… honestly, I have no idea what the ‘or’ is.”

“Or an idiot got lucky,” said Jay. “Look!”

The smoke had cleared. The white figures had had their asses thoroughly handed to them. And a person with bright red hair had just gotten out of the Samurai X suit and was now kneeling next to Lloyd.

They ran over to see that Micah was checking Lloyd’s pulse. The figure that had had a sword in Lloyd’s face lay in pieces beside them.

“C’mon, sweetheart,” Micah said quietly. “Wake up for me.” He brushed a bit of hair away from Lloyd’s face and kissed his forehead.

Lloyd’s eyes fluttered open. He blinked a few times and registered who was kneeling over him. “Micah?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”

“Playing Prince Charming,” Micah replied.

“Lloyd, he was awesome,” said Jay. “Somehow he got ahold of Nya’s Samurai X suit and just came and kicked butt.”

“You fought?!” Lloyd exclaimed. “What were you thinking?!”

“Ssssshhh,” Micah soothed. “It’s fine. I’m fine. And to answer your question, I was thinking of you.”

Lloyd laughed weakly. “That’s gay.”

Micah smiled, a proper smile that lit up his eyes. Lloyd nearly melted.

“You know it,” Micah said softly. “Are you okay?”

Lloyd motioned to himself. “What do you think?”

“Fair enough,” said Micah. “Shit, I was worried about you.”

“Funny, I was worried about me as well.”

“Kai’s back on the Bounty, by the way. He uhhh…”

“He got shitfaced drunk,” Jay interjected.

Lloyd bit his lip, eyes staring somewhere else. “Okay.”

“C’mere, kid,” said Cole, scooping Lloyd into his arms. “Let’s get you home.”

“I’m gonna pass out now,” Lloyd declared, and pass out he did.

“Want your suit back, Nya?” Micah asked.

Nya shook her head. “You flew it far better than I ever could,” she said. “It’s all yours, Samurai X.”

“And now I need your help, Micah,” said Zane. “I would like to get readings on the area. Something tells me that these figures were not the ones who kidnapped Lloyd, but rather are just guards.”

“Looks like you’re an honorary member of the team,” said Nya.

“I mean, I’m Samurai X now,” said Micah. “Doesn’t that go without saying?” With that, he hopped back into the Samurai X suit and took off after Zane.

“So, I’ve made some minor adjustments to your device,” said Zane as they wandered into an alley. “Well, I’ve tried to. They need your authorization.”

“Here, hand it to me,” Micah said, opening the front of the suit so he could take the device. “There you go. Make whatever adjustments you need.”

“I just want to be able to pick up other signatures,” said Zane. “I have a feeling that there will be something recognizable. I’ve already linked this back to my personal database of signatures. If we’ve met them before and they’ve been here, we’ll know.”

Micah nodded, following close behind as Zane fiddled with the device. “Alright, I’ve got something,” he said. “Get in the suit. I think it’s just a trace and not the actual presence of a threat, but you never know.”

They kept walking through the alley—well, Zane walked and Micah clunked, Zane muttering to himself.

And then he froze.

“Zane?” Micah asked. “Everything alright?”

“We need to go,” said Zane. “Now. Quickly. Run!”

“Okay, okay, I’m going,” said Micah. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll explain when we’re on the Bounty—I’ll explain everything—we just have to move. Now.” He ran, took a flying leap, and summoned his dragon, just as Micah fired up his engines.

“Everything alright?” Nya asked as they landed back on the Bounty.

“No,” Zane said quietly. “Get everyone who’s sober and not named Lloyd into the control room as quickly as possible. Micah, come on.”

 _“I have no idea,”_ Micah mouthed when Nya looked at him quizzically.

By the time the team had gathered in the bridge, Zane was already furiously working to link Micah’s device to the Bounty computers.

“Zane, you’re freaking us all out,” said Jay. “What the hell is—”

Every single screen in the Bounty turned white. Greyish, slightly translucent squares of varying sizes began popping up here and there, all with small “loading” graphics.

“These are profiles,” said Zane. “I recalibrated Micah’s device so that it could detect any and all signatures—elemental and otherwise—and match them to my personal database. This is everything I picked up.”

The profile squares began filling up with pictures and short descriptions. Every single picture brought chills. It would seem that almost every single being that the ninja had faced so far was showing up again.

“What’s the big one?” Jay asked, pointing to the still-loading large grey square in the middle.

“The larger the square, the more of a signature we picked up. That one is, by far, what we got the most of.”

“I’m already not liking the look of this,” said Nya.

Suddenly, Kai stumbled in, holding a bottle of tequila. “Whasgoinon?”

“We found a bunch of signatures at the site,” Zane explained. “These are all of the ones we’ve found.”

“Whasthebigun?”

“The signature we picked up on the most. I really didn’t want you to see this while you were drunk,” Zane sighed. “But I suppose it’s too late now. It’s almost done loading and—”

For the second time, the Destiny’s Bounty was so silent that everyone could hear Zane’s processor as they stared at the center of the screen and the image that had just popped up there.

Micah grit his teeth. Jay and Wu looked down at the ground. Cole’s eyes darkened, his fists clenching. Nya choked back a sob.

Kai set his bottle of tequila on fire and aimed for the screen.

“Kai!” Nya stepped in between Kai and the screen. “That’s _my_ computer!”

Kai growled, and flung the bottle at the wall, where it crashed into a thousand sharp and flaming pieces. “How.” His teeth were grit together, and the venom in his voice cut through the horrified silence. _“How?!”_

“We don’t know,” Cole said gently. “We’ll fix it.”

Kai sent one more venomous glare at the picture of Morro on the screen before starting to stalk out of the room. “I’m going to see Lloyd.”

Zane ran up to grab his shoulder. “Kai, you can’t. You’re drunk, so you might not remember-”

“The List,” Wu reminded him.

Kai paused, frowned, then nodded.

A while ago, Lloyd had written a list of the specific things that would make him more upset if he was having a breakdown. He hadn’t meant for his team to see it, but things happened, and they adjusted their approach accordingly. It was an entire mess at first, but Lloyd’s breakdowns were few and far between. When they did happen, they were _bad_.

If the breakdown was obviously related to Morro, Kai wasn’t to go near him. Lloyd had never explained, and no one had ever asked.

“Shit. Shit, fucking shit. I’m going to punch that asshat in the throat. And dump champagne on him. Will champagne work like water? Can I get some champagne? Or scotch, or- something alcoholic?”

“You’re enabling him,” Nya muttered as Wu opened a secret compartment in the bridge and passed Kai a bottle of scotch. Kai slumped against the corner and started to down it.

“I should be with him,” Micah whispered. “With Lloyd. He shouldn’t be alone, and I don’t know what will happen if he wakes up and he is.”

“Go. We still don’t know exactly what happened, but by the state Lloyd is in, it wasn’t pretty.”

~~~~

Lloyd opened his eyes slowly. He was in his room, and Micah was right next to him, smiling vaguely. “Hey,” he said softly.

Lloyd sat up, then winced. “Ankle,” he grunted.

“Yah, it’s broken. And your wrist. Careful.”

“I’m careful.” Lloyd rubbed his head with his not broken hand. “Obviously.”

“How are you?” Micah asked.

Lloyd thought about it. “I… I don’t feel anything.”

“Like, physically? But you said your ankle-”

“No, physically, I feel like hell. I just… I’m not upset. After that, I’m not upset. Why am I not upset?” Lloyd was becoming more and more visibly distressed. “I’m more upset that I’m not upset than I am actually upset!”

“It’s okay, you’re okay, we’re okay.”

Lloyd closed his eyes and tried to convince himself to be upset. Just to feel something.

He looked at Micah, eyes wide. “Kiss me?” He whispered.

Micah leaned forward and kissed his forehead softly. Lloyd smiled. “That’s sweet. But I think you misinterpreted what I wanted.” Lloyd leaned forward until he was a breath away from Micah, and brushed his lips against his before pulling away and saying, “I want you to kiss me so hard I forget my name.”

“Woah, hold up.” Micah backed up, and so did Lloyd, immediately stopping. “Let’s get one thing _very_ clear. I am not opposed to kissing you. Provided you can promise you’re not just using me to distract yourself from what you just went through. It’s definitely not fair to me, and it’s probably not healthy for you.”

Lloyd paused and thought about that. “That’s fair,” he said. “I- I’m sorry. I’m… let’s stick to not mouth kisses?”

“Seems fair. Cuddling okay?”

“Be careful of the ankle and wrist and _yes please_.” Lloyd wrapped his arms around Micah. “I’m upset now,” he muttered. “About what happened.”

Micah tangled his fingers into Lloyd’s hair. “I know, darling. I know.”

“How much do you know?” Lloyd asked. “Be honest.”

“Not much. Well… I… well, we used our device to find you,” said Micah. “And Zane recalibrated it so it would be… more all-purpose.”

“Fucking shit,” Lloyd muttered. “You got the guest list.”

“More like the host list, but yeah. And… uhhh… everyone knows.”

“Kai too?”

“… yeah…”

Lloyd swore under his breath. “Please just kill me.”

“No can do, greenie.”

“You suck.”

“I know. But we all need you alive.”

“I don’t want to be alive right now.”

“I know. I know.” Micah kissed Lloyd’s forehead softly, lovingly. “But dying isn’t the answer to this. It really isn’t.”

“Then what is?!” Lloyd almost shouted. “What is the answer? Maybe if I die—”

“Don’t you finish that,” Micah said quietly, but Lloyd continued over him.

“Maybe if I die, then they’ll all leave my family alone!”

“If you die, then you let them _win._ Who even _cares_ if they leave the others alone? Your family’s _lost_ and they’ve _won_ and then what’s the point?”

“It’ll be over,” Lloyd muttered. “All of this will be over. In a sense, I don’t want to _die_ . I just want this to be _over_.”

“It’ll never be over,” said Micah. “If you die, it’ll never be over. If we lose you—if I lose you—it may be over in that we don’t get the shit beaten out of us, but Lloyd, I’m pretty sure none of us would bother to fight if they tried, if we lost you.”

“I told you, I don’t want to die. I’d love a free trial, just so I can have a break. I promise, I have survival instincts. But you know what else I have? Fear. Micah, I’m so _damn scared_ out of my mind all the time, and I just want that to be over. I _need_ it to be over.” Lloyd shuddered. “It will never be over. And maybe I don’t want to die, but I want control. I want pain I can control. I just- I want to not be scared to go to sleep at night, or when there’s a storm, or-”

Lloyd broke off with a sob. “I want to be okay.”

“Can I hug you?”

“Yah. Yah.” Lloyd curled into his arms, choking out words between his tears. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt. I have a responsibility-”

“We’re not your responsibility, Lloyd.”

Lloyd took a deep breath. “Tell me what my injuries are.”

“Um, Lloyd-”

“I don’t trust my self assessment, at the moment. Everything is kind of fuzzy.”

“You have a broken ankle and a broken wrist. Your shoulder and abdomen were cut badly, and you had small scrapes everywhere. Bruises everywhere.”

“Okay, so not bad.”

“Not-” Micah shook his head. “Lloyd, did you just say _not bad_?”

“What, it’s not!”

“You and I have _very_ different definitions of _bad_.”

Lloyd snuggled closer to Micah. “Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I think my suicidal urges have gone away. I mean, not that I really wanted to, but, I mean. I don’t feel like dying anymore? Well, that’s a bad way to describe what I was feeling. Like, I wanted to die, but I didn’t want it badly enough to seek it out on my own. More like I’d be chill if a bus hit me.”

Lloyd frowned, thinking about it. “Two questions.”

“Hit me with your best shot.”

“Why have I not seen a therapist and am I on pain meds?”

“No idea and no you are not.”

“Good. They make everything go wibbly wobbly.” Lloyd laughed. “I am a disaster.”

“Wibbly wobbly timey wimey?” Micah asked. Lloyd groaned.

“That was awful,” he said.

“Yes, but you love me.”

“What does that have to do with shit? The joke was awful!”

Micah poked Lloyd’s nose and then kissed it. “You’re laughing now, though. Your eyes are all sparkly and it’s quite frankly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Gay.”

“Yep.”

“Shit. Shit, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you so much. Micah—” Lloyd’s eyes filled with tears again. _“Micah—”_

“I love you too,” said Micah. “Lloyd, you’re gonna be okay. I promise you’re gonna be okay. I’m here and your team—your _family_ is here.”

“So many people here?” Lloyd asked shakily, cracking a smile again.

“Indeed,” said Micah, kissing Lloyd’s temple. “You’re gonna be okay, sweetheart. You’re gonna be okay.”

“I’m so scared,” Lloyd whispered.

“I know. That’s okay. This shit is terrifying—it were me, I’d curl up in a hole and never emerge. Lloyd, you’re braver than anyone I’ve ever met. But that’s probably not helpful right now. The point is, it’s okay to be scared. You have every right to be scared. And I promise I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe so you’re less scared. I’m Samurai X now, remember?”

“Wait—you are? I thought that was just a one-off—”

“Nope. Nya said she had never seen anyone pilot the suit so well, including herself, and now that she’s the Water Ninja, she said I can take over. So congratulations, you’re now officially dating the new Samurai X.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt—”

“I’ll try my best not to. But that’s not even an issue right now. Right now, I’m going to stay here, with you, for as long as you need.”

“You’ve gotta get home eventually.”

“Nah. I texted my mom and told her that you got into a bad situation and she literally told me that she was sending my sister to bring over my suitcase—shit, I need to tell Nya to land the Bounty—I’ll get there in a second—anyway, Mom said I’m not allowed to come home without a note signed by every single person on the Bounty that you’re at least some level of okay.”

“Have I ever mentioned that I love your mom?”

“She honestly would fight me to be the president of your fan club,” said Micah. “The woman adores you.”

“Well, that’s good.” Lloyd fought down a yawn.

Micah smiled and messed with his hair. “Come on, you’ve been through a lot. Go to sleep.”

Lloyd froze up. “No,” he rasped. “No, no, I can’t. Not—not. Not after that.”

“Lloyd, hey, it’s okay-”

“No! No it is _not_ !” Lloyd couldn’t stop shaking. Humans weren’t supposed to shake like this, like they had everything to fear and it was all breathing down their neck. “No, please, no sleep. I can’t sleep. Please, do _anything_ , just don’t let me sleep.”

“O-okay. You don’t have to sleep right now, but you need to eventually.”

“No, no no,” Lloyd repeated, and suddenly that was all he was saying. “No no no no.”

“You can’t stay awake for the rest of your life.”

Lloyd shook his head, and started to dig his nails into his hand. “No. No no no. No sleep.”

Lloyd wished he could explain in a way that was coherent. Forgoing that, he kept repeating _no_ until Micah got the idea.

“So no sleep,” Micah muttered. “Got it.”

Lloyd shut his eyes and tried to steady his breathing. “I feel like I’m being tossed around like a ball. One emotion to the next with no warning, just a hard hit and a new situation.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound pleasant,” said Micah. “And that’s okay. This was traumatizing. This was a traumatic event for you. It’s normal and totally valid for your emotions to be a hot mess and for everything to suck. Listen, I’ll be right back, okay? I gotta tell Nya to land the Bounty.”

“No,” Lloyd whimpered. “Don’t leave me.”

“Just for a few seconds,” Micah promised.

Lloyd clung to Micah. “But if you leave you might never come back.”

Micah grit his teeth. He knew that abandonment had always been a fear of Lloyd’s, but he also knew that whatever Lloyd had just been through had exacerbated it, and probably in a very specific manner.

He took a few deep breaths before responding. “Lloyd, listen,” he said quietly. “I love you. I love you in ways that I couldn’t even express with words—or with music. And love… it’s not an emotion. Love is a _promise._ And I will never hurt you.”

“Or leave me?” Lloyd asked.

Micah nodded, tangling his fingers into Lloyd’s hair again. “I don’t care who it is—you, any of your teammates, the Queen of England, the man on the moon—and _certainly_ some piss baby who decided to hurt you for fun—there is _nothing_ that _anyone_ could say that would get me to leave you. Ever.”

“Promise?”

“Double pinky promise.” Micah linked his pinkies with Lloyd’s. “We’re gonna be okay. But seriously, I gotta tell Nya to land the ship so my sister can give me my things.”

“Fine,” Lloyd mumbled.

Micah kissed Lloyd’s forehead again before shifting them so he could go. “I’ll be right back.”

Lloyd stared at Micah as he left the room, and then down at his hands, trying to think of something pleasant to distract him from his fear. Singing Disney songs with Jay at the top of his lungs. Helping Nya prank the boys. Stimming by mumbling “the hobbits the hobbits the hobbits the hobbits” and hearing someone shout back “TO ISENGARD! TO ISENGARD!”

But his mind wouldn’t allow itself to settle. Instead, it wandered, and it wandered towards everything that Lloyd didn’t want to remember.

By the time Micah returned to Lloyd’s room, he was shaking all over and broken down in tears.

“Hey, hey,” Micah kneeled down beside him. “Do you want water?”

Lloyd nodded, wrapping a blanket around himself tight. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Damn hands.

Micah handed him a bottle of water, and Lloyd didn’t uncap it. He just held it in his hands, letting the chill and the condensation rest on his skin. Lloyd breathed, anchoring himself with the water bottle.

Lloyd was silent for five or six minutes, spending that time making his breathing even again. His broken wrist was screaming at him, and his ankle was throbbing. His ribs weren’t broken, but they weren’t exactly his friends at that moment.

“I feel like shit,” he rasped. “Can I have a hug? Not to tight, I think my ribs are on a riot.”

Micah wrapped an arm around Lloyd’s shoulders, and rested his head on his shoulder. “This good?”

Lloyd unwrapped his blanket from around him to share with Micah. “That’s good.”

~~~~

“Why the hell did you let me drink so much,” Kai groaned, rubbing his head. “I’m _dead_ . Absolutely fucking _dead_.”

“You have a hangover.”

“ _Dead_.” Kai moped.

Kai was currently lying his head in Cole’s lap as he complained about his hangover from hell, Cole lightly stroking his hair. Zane’s hand was on his forehead, cooling him down, because maybe drinking alcohol when you were the _fire_ ninja wasn’t usually the _best_ idea, but whatever. Jay was currently in the kitchen, cooking up one of his surefire hangover remedies. Zane chimed in that really nothing would help with a hangover, but Kai whined so much that he finally admitted it couldn’t _hurt_.

“I mean, you definitely consumed most of the alcohol on the Bounty. So… cheers?”

“No drinking puns,” Kai groaned. “I’m _dead_.”

“Nah, we didn’t let you get alcohol poisoning.”

“Your tolerance is actually… frightening,” Zane admitted.

“Why, thank you, Zane, but I can’t accept compliments at this moment.” Kai tried to sit up, and his head pounded. He flopped back onto Cole. “I’m recovering from the second worst hangover of my life.”

“What was the first worst?”

“I always leave room for a worst. This might be the worst one I’ve experienced so far, but I’m leaving room for one further down the line to be even more hellish.”

“You poor thing,” Jay cooed, coming into the room with a tray of steaming mugs. “Alright, tea. I made some for everyone!”

“What kind of tea?” Cole asked.

“Can’t say, family secret. But I promise there’s nothing someone here is allergic to.”

Kai downed his in ten seconds. “Oddly, I do feel better. I think it’s less the tea and more you guys, though. The tea is still great.”

Jay laughed and sat down by Cole, reaching over to pat Kai’s head. “Poor fireboy. Whatever are we going to do with you?”

“Love and cherish me?” Kai tried.

“Yah, that seems fair,” Cole said. “So… what are we all? I mean, are we all dating each other? Are we all dating Kai? Are we rejecting Kai?”

“Definitely not the third one,” Kai said.

Jay shrugged. “Um… how about, you know, an open polyamorous relationship with the four of us? Like, any combination of the four of us that we want to try, we can try it out.”

“That seems fair.”

Cole leaned down and kissed Kai’s forehead. “Okay, but let’s be clear: I love you. I love you to bits. I really do.”

“I already told you that I love you,” said Zane.

“Me too,” said Jay. “You set my heart on fire.”

Under any other circumstance, Kai would have complained about the pun. But he was hungover, and emotions were high, and so he burst into tears. _“I love you all,”_ he sobbed.

Cole carefully lifted Kai up so he was sitting, cradled in his arms. “Oh, sweetheart,” he murmured. “Ssssshhh, ssshhh, we love you too. It’s all gonna be okay.”

“I feel so sick,” he cried. “I shouldn’t have had that much.”

Zane leaned over and traced a symbol on Kai’s forehead with one of his fingers, which instantly glowed white. “Does that help?” he asked.

Kai sighed as a wave of cool came over him. “Yeah. Yeah, that helps.”

“Hey, look,” said Jay. He waved his hand, creating softly colored flashing lights in the air.

“Stimmy,” Kai slurred, flopping a hand towards the lights. “Pretty.”

Cole kissed the top of his head, snuggling him close. “We’re here for you, Kai.”

“Lloyd…” Kai mumbled. “Lloyd. Lloyd. ‘M worried about him.”

“We know,” Zane said gently. “But Micah’s with him. Micah’s taking care of him. He’s going to be okay.”

“I’m a terrible brother.”

Cole shook his head violently. “No, no, sweetheart, you’re not. This isn’t your fault.”

“Not at all,” Jay agreed. “Kai, babe, this isn’t on you. This isn’t you.”

“I couldn’t keep him safe! I couldn’t protect him!”

“Listen,” said Cole. “This isn’t something to talk about while you’re hungover. Once you’re feeling better, we can talk this through. But for now you need to rest.”

“Don’t wanna rest. Wanna be a better brother.”

“You won’t be able to be a better brother if you’re not rested,” said Jay. “C’mon, man. Just sleep.”

“Cuddle me?” Kai asked.

Zane kissed the symbol he had drawn on Kai’s forehead. “Always.”

“C’mere, hot shot,” said Cole. He scooped Kai into his arms and carried him into his room. “Hmm, is there any way we can make this bed bigger?”

“New bed.”

“Eh, my mattress sucked anyways. Alright, you recover from the rest of your hangover here.”

“You guys are the best,” Kai mumbled, promptly falling asleep.

Cole rolled his eyes. “Dork.”

“Think he’ll be okay?” Jay asked.

“Hopefully. Well, we did promise that we’d cuddle with him. Perhaps we should take shifts?”

“Sounds good,” said Jay. “I call dibs on going first!”

Without further ado, Jay crawled into bed with Kai and hugged him close.

\---

Lloyd hated waking up when he was injured. Mostly, he hated waking up, but waking up with injuries was usually worse. The usual _am I awake do I have to be_ mixed with painful jolts as he stretched was not the most pleasant wake up.

A slightly better part of waking up was seeing Micah, who was using his shoulder as a pillow. Lloyd smiled to himself and pushed Micah’s hair out of his face. Micah mumbled something and snuggled closer.

Lloyd still felt like absolute hell, physically, but maybe his mental state had shifted from “currently in breakdown” to “on verge of breakdown” which was an improvement, however slight. Despite his hesitations about falling asleep, with a fear of nightmares, he didn’t remember his dream. Maybe he didn’t have one. Maybe his brain was simply too exhausted to dream. Wouldn’t that be something.

Micah stirred quietly. Lloyd laughed softly. “Micah, get up.”

“No, no, five more minutes,” he mumbled. Then his eyes blinked open and he stared at Lloyd. “Hey, you went to sleep.”

“Whoop-de-doo.” Lloyd rolled his eyes. “Okay, so I got a little bit of sleep. That’s great.”

“It is!” Micah kissed Lloyd’s nose. “I know that was scary for you.”

“You should start making me little gold stars when I do the bare minimum. ‘Congrats, you went to sleep’ and ‘congrats, you woke up’ and ‘yay you you ate something today.’”

“I might just,” Micah yawned, stretching. “Ugh, what time is it?”

Lloyd looked around. “It’s ten, but… it’s dark outside.”

“Holy shit, we _really_ lost track of time in here,” Micah muttered. “You want food?”

“God, please, I’m starving.”

“So you okay coming out of your room and interacting with others?”

Lloyd thought about it. “As long as it isn’t windy.”

“I don’t think it is, but if it is, we can come back here and hide in a blanket fort all day. Or, well, night.”

Lloyd stood up, yawning. “Kai. I need to see Kai.”

“You sure?”

“Knowing my brother? He’s drunk himself half to death. Hey, is that the right verb tense of drunk?”

“Hell if I know.”

“The point stands. How Kai hasn’t died of alcohol poisoning, I guess we’ll never know.” Lloyd leaned on Micah. “My ankle is still broken. I should get that looked at.”

“You really should,” Micah agreed. Micah seemed okay with being Lloyd’s temporary crutch, and helped him limp out to the bridge. Cole and Nya were in the bridge, and Lloyd’s faint knock, followed by a slight, “yep, okay, wrist is still broken, too,” had them running to him.

“Hey,” Nya said softly. “How’re you doin’, kid?”

“I feel like shit!” Lloyd said brightly.

“Fair enough,” said Nya.

“Where’s Kai?”

“Passed out in my room,” said Cole. “Zane’s with him.”

“Kai… is passed out… in your room… with Zane?” Lloyd blinked a few times.

“Yeah… we’re all sort of dating now…”

“Oh, well that took long enough!”

“I heard my name and kid laughter.” Kai appeared in the doorway, looking like he had been hit by a bus, gone flying into an Olympic-sized swimming pool of shitty tequila, and proceeded to drink every drop of it.

“Go home, Kai; you’re drunk,” Lloyd deadpanned, but he was cracking a smile.

“Hey, kid.” Kai rubbed his fingers into his forehead. “I’m not drunk. I’m _slightly_ hungover.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatev—ow,” Lloyd whined softly as he accidentally leaned on his broken ankle.

It was only then that it clicked for Kai. “What the hell are you doing standing on your hurt ankle?!” he exclaimed. “Go back and lie down!”

“But I wanted to see you,” Lloyd protested. “And you weren’t gonna come into my room.”

“I—shit, that’s fair enough. But please, go back to bed. I don’t want you walking around injured.”

Lloyd sighed. Of course. Kai probably didn’t want to see him. He wasn’t any fun injured—

“Yanno, if you’re gonna have self-deprecating thoughts, you should at least say them loud and proud,” Kai suggested casually, “instead of mutter them under your breath. That way I can tell exactly what I need to call bullshit on. But if I understand your mumbling correctly, of fucking _course_ I want to be around you. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“Maybe we can find a place to sit out here?” Micah suggested.

“We could boot Jay off of the couch,” said Cole. “He’s been playing video games for the past three hours.”

“Sounds like a plan!” said Kai. “Lloyd, can you at least let someone carry you there? I’m sure Micah makes an excellent crutch, but still, it’s scaring the crap out of me.”

Lloyd rolled his eyes. “I know I’m white as the devil, but I’m not fucking porcelain.”

“As someone who regularly interacts with white people, that simile is scary accurate,” said Micah. “But seriously, sweetheart. Kai’s right.”

“Can you carry me?” Lloyd asked.

“Yeah, sure,” said Micah, easily scooping Lloyd into his arms. “Better, Kai?”

“Much.”

“I could get used to this,” Lloyd mused, nuzzling Micah’s neck.

“Jesus Christ, when was the last time you ate something? You’re so fucking skinny. Your ribs are poking me.”

“Do I even weigh anything to you?” Lloyd tried.

“Are you trying to trip me up into referencing Brooklyn Nine-Nine?”

“Am I like carrying a couple of grapes?” Lloyd insisted.

Micah sighed. “Why the fuck did you introduce him to Brooklyn Nine-Nine?”

Kai shrugged. “I knew he’d like it.”

Micah rolled his eyes and dropped Lloyd onto the couch, Kai having already kicked Jay out. Lloyd looked at Kai pathetically. “When can I have the forbidden alcohol?”

“Sorry, kid, alcohol is for disasters like me.”

Lloyd laughed, and smiled, and only winced a little when he moved his broken wrist to put it in a more comfortable position. Micah carefully put his hand over it, and wished he could help, at all, wish he could ease Lloyd’s pain.

It took Micah a few heartbeats to realize there was a glowing in the room, and the glow wasn’t red like Kai’s fire, or green like Lloyd’s light. It was soft royal purple.

Lloyd gaped at him, and jerked his hand away from Micah. “Sorry-” Micah started, then realized Lloyd was testing his wrist, rolling it and bending it, and all the things broken wrists shouldn’t do. Obviously, it was not broken.

“Nice,” Lloyd whispered. “Now do my ankle?”

“I don’t know what I did!” Micah argued. “I just didn’t want you to be in pain!”

“How long have you been able to do that?” Kai asked.

“I… I think I would remember if I suddenly just started healing broken bones!”

“Not necessarily bones. Maybe just broken things. Maybe scratches healed faster. Maybe plants grew faster.”

“Great, so I never had a green thumb, just some magic shit.”

“We’re not making my boyfriend a ninja,” Lloyd said fiercely. “Unless he wants to. You see, we’re going to do what I was never offered- a _choice_.”

“I don’t want to be a ninja,” Micah didn’t exactly mean to _yelp,_ it just happened. “I can’t do what you guys do. Besides, I’m Samurai X now, remember?”

“There, settled. Skylor has powers; she’s not a ninja. Does she even use them anymore?”

“They’re weaker without her father’s staff strengthening them, but, okay, case in point.”

“You’re off the hook, babe,” said Lloyd.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” Micah replied. “May I kiss you?”

“Sure,” said Lloyd. He turned away from Kai and nuzzled Micah gently before Micah pressed their lips together.

Micah closed his eyes and focused on easing Lloyd’s pain again. This time, he felt a tingling in his skin. He peeked his eyes open quickly to see that now he and Lloyd were surrounded by that purplish glow.

Lloyd had been kissing Micah and all had been fine, but then suddenly he felt tingly, and then the pain in his ankle faded away… as did the pain everywhere else on his body. He could _feel_ a few wounds knitting themselves together, a few bruises heal.

“You didn’t,” he groaned as they pulled apart. “Micah, what were you thinking?”

“I just want you to not be hurting!” Micah protested, nuzzling Lloyd’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s fine… I’m just worried about you wearing yourself out.”

“I’m fine,” said Micah. He rested his head against Lloyd’s shoulder. “A little tired…”

_“Micah.”_

“I just hate seeing you in pain.”

Lloyd wrapped his arms around Micah and snuggled him close.

For some reason, holding Micah close filled something inside, covered the empty coldness, like long-awaited insulation plugging the old draft that had been letting in all that goddamn wind.

“Hold on,” said Micah. “I should be snuggling you. You’re the one who just—”

“Nope. I’m snuggling you.”

“Okay.”

Kai caught Lloyd’s eye, making sure Lloyd was looking at him before rolling his eyes very dramatically. Lloyd stuck out his tongue, holding Micah closer.

“You two are awful, and dorks, and I have never seen two people act more in love, right in front of me.”

“Kai, you have _three_ boyfriends.”

“Maybe so.”

Lloyd rolled his eyes.

“You two gonna argue all day?” Micah asked.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Forget I asked,” Micah sighed.

Lloyd started absently messing with Micah’s hair, humming under his breath.

“Hold up,” said Kai. “Lloyd, is that—” He reached behind Lloyd and pulled out the hood of Lloyd’s sweater, flipping it over Lloyd’s head. “Is that…?”

“It’s a chinchilla sweater,” said Lloyd. “Fight me.”

“It’s adorable,” Kai and Micah said at the same time. Micah leaned up and kissed Lloyd’s cheek.

“I love you so much,” Lloyd mumbled, without thinking, and then, more purposefully, “Micah, I love you. Shit, I love you. I—” He gripped Micah tighter. “I love you. I love you so much.”

“Ssssh,” Micah soothed, nuzzling Lloyd. “I love you too. I love you too.”

“Wanna go back to my room,” Lloyd mumbled.

“Want to be alone?” Micah asked.

“No. Want you to come with me.” He bit his lip, not wanting to flat out say that he didn’t want to be near Kai.

“Go on,” said Kai. “It’s okay, kiddo. No hard feelings. Can I give you a hug before you go? Or a high five or something?”

“Hug is okay,” said Lloyd. He gave Kai a quick hug before standing up.

By the time they reached Lloyd’s room, he was hyperventilating. “Lloyd? Lloyd, darling, take some deep breaths,” Micah said softly.

He did not, in fact, take some deep breaths. Instead, he marched directly to the wall and banged his head against it, multiple times.

“Lloyd!” Micah exclaimed. “Lloyd—oh, fuck, there’s no stopping you. Just—God, be careful—”

Lloyd didn’t hear him. He was too busy repeatedly throwing himself at the wall and screaming incoherently.

Ah well. All he could do was wait for it to be over.

It couldn’t have lasted more than ten minutes, but Lloyd looked as if he’d been hit by a train and hadn’t slept in three weeks by the end.

“Lloyd?” Micah asked tentatively. He knew this part pretty well by now. After the meltdown came the recovery, something like a shutdown but less intense.

Lloyd responded with a small, strangled noise. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

“Ssssh,” Micah murmured. “If you’re nonverbal, that’s okay.”

Lloyd whimpered softly, shaking as he curled into himself onto the floor.

“Want your magic box?” Micah asked. Lloyd nodded. “Hang on, I’ll grab it.”

As soon as the sparkly green bin was out on the floor, Lloyd was ravaging through it, grabbing his favorite weighted blanket, a chewy necklace, and his tangle, before curling back up on the floor.

Micah grabbed Lloyd’s pillow off of his bed. “You can recover here.” Lloyd nodded, allowing Micah to gently lift his head and tuck the pillow under it before wrapping the weighted blanket around him properly. “Better, love?”

Lloyd nodded again, but it was hard to concentrate on much when his head was in excruciating pain from having banged it against the wall. He winced, whimpering again.

“Head hurting?” Micah asked.

Lloyd nodded, biting his lip. Usually this was the time when someone would tell him that if he didn’t want to be in pain, he shouldn’t have had a meltdown, and he wouldn’t be able to explain that _he couldn’t fucking control it._

“I can try and help with the pain,” Micah offered.

Oh. He hadn’t been expecting that.

“If you don’t want me to, I won’t. But I would be more than happy to give it a go.” Lloyd looked up at him with pleading eyes. “I’ll take that as a yes,” Micah chuckled softly, and he placed two fingers on Lloyd’s forehead. This time, it came naturally, instinctively, without thought, and within seconds Lloyd was sighing in relief as his pain faded.

“You’re good at this,” Lloyd rasped, the words still coming with a good deal of difficulty.

Micah tangled his fingers into Lloyd’s hair, shushing him softly. “No need to talk,” he said. He caressed Lloyd’s cheek with his thumb. “Think you wanna take a nap, or just hang here?” Lloyd held up two fingers. “Second one? Hang here? Okay.”

 _“Sing?”_ Lloyd mouthed.

“I mean, if you want me to,” said Micah. “But I might meme you.”

Lloyd rolled his eyes, but he was cracking a smile.

“Just for that face, I’ll do it,” Micah declared. “Hang on. I’m presuming that Sinnia had the good sense to bring Emerys when she brought my stuff. Gimme two minutes.”

Two minutes later, Micah returned, gig bag slung over his shoulders. “My girl brought my girl,” he said, pulling up a chair. “Alright, alright, let’s do this.”

He tuned his guitar, put his capo on, and began to play.

_I thought love was only true in fairy tales_  
_Meant for someone else, but not for me_  
_Love was out to get me, that's the way it seemed_  
_Disappointment haunted all my dreams_

_Then I saw your face, now I'm a believer_  
_Not a trace of doubt in my mind_  
_I'm in love, oooooh, I'm a believer_  
_And I know I couldn't leave ya if I tried_

_I thought love was more or less a giving thing_  
_Seems the more I gave, the less I got_  
_So what’s the use in tryin’, if all we get is pain_  
_When I needed sunshine, I got rain_

_Then I saw your face, now I'm a believer_  
_Not a trace of doubt in my mind_  
_I'm in love, oooooh, I'm a believer_  
_And I know I couldn't leave ya if I tried_

_Aaaaaa-a-aaaaaa-a-ahh_  
_Aaaaaa-a-aaaaaa-a-ahh_

_What’s the use in tryin’, if all we get is pain_  
_When I needed sunshine, I got rain_

_Then I saw your face, now I'm a believer_  
_Not a trace of doubt in my mind_  
_I'm in love, ooooooooooooooooooh_  
_And I know I couldn't leave ya if I tried_

_Aaaaaa-a-aaaaaa-a-ahh_  
_Aaaaaa-a-aaaaaa-a-ahh_

Lloyd fell asleep by the end, leaving Micah unsure as to whether he had picked up on the fact that Micah had just sung a slow, acoustic version of the end song from Shrek.

“Sleep well, greenie,” Micah murmured, tucking Lloyd’s blanket around him. Micah didn’t want to leave, and spent the next few hours doing whatever, rummaging around the things that were strewn around the room in typical teenager fashion, plucking out notes and chords on his guitar, pacing in circles, and generally feeling like a TV show character in a time skip montage.

He was partway through the second verse of _Never Gonna Give You Up_ when Lloyd bolted awake with a scream in his throat.

Micah practically fell over to get to him. “Lloyd?”

Lloyd rocked back and forth, looking blankly at a spot on the wall, not making a sound. Every once in awhile, he checked his pulse. He blinked.

Micah reached out. “Lloyd?”

Lloyd blinked, frowned, then shook his head. “Sorry. Sorry, just… had to remember if that was a dream or a memory. Or if that was real and I’m dreaming now. I think I’m awake now.”

“You are,” Micah promised. “You’re awake.”

“Okay. Okay then.” Lloyd breathed, hands shaking. “Okay. Okay.”

“You good?”

“Okay.”

“You’re not just saying that?”

“Promise. I’m fine.”

“Okay, Neil.”

Lloyd rolled his eyes. “You can’t make references I don’t understand, that’s not fair.”

“Cry me a river.” Micah sat down next to him. “You okay?”

“NIghtmare. I just… had to reteach myself to breathe, it’s okay. It happens. It was scary but… I just. It felt real. It was the same thing, but the little details change. Imagine something happens to you, and then you dream about it a hundred times a hundred different ways.”

“That’s… awful. I know sorry doesn’t make it any better.” Micah pulled his knees close to chest. “It’s probably not as often as your nightmares, but sometimes I dream about my brother’s death.”

“Sorry doesn’t make it better,” Lloyd agreed.

“What does?”

“I’m still looking.”

“Can we look together?”

“Please.”

Lloyd was silent for a little longer. “I could have killed him,” Lloyd finally said, and it wasn’t a whisper, and his voice was flat. “Morro… _he_ could have… I wouldn’t have been able to… I almost… Kai could be dead and it would be my fault.”

“Morro used you to try to kill Kai.” It wasn’t a question. Something like that couldn’t ever be a question.

“I almost wasn’t fast enough. I was too desperate to fail, too scared to succeed. He barely made it. I…” Lloyd rubbed his eyes, which Micah realized were tearing up. “His blood would have been on my hands. It wouldn’t be _my_ fault but-”

“-I wasn’t able to stop it, and doesn’t that make me partially at fault.”

“Exactly.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Micah said softly. “Together, okay? Side by side. I may not know the first thing about being a ninja, but I know about feeling like shit.”

Lloyd was still crying softly. “Can I hold you? I need. I need. Something.”

Micah rested his head on Lloyd’s shoulder. “Like I’d say no to being cuddled by the most amazing boy in the universe.”

Lloyd laughed weakly in response, hugging Micah close. “Clearly the most amazing boy in the universe is you.”

“Nah. You are.”

“You are.”

“You are.”

“You are.”

“You are! Hey, hey.” Micah grinned, looking up at Lloyd. “Kiss me if I’m wrong, but you’re the _pink_ ninja, right?”

“Oh _come on,_ Micah,” Lloyd groaned. “You haven’t done that in like eight months and I was happy that way.”

Micah’s eyes sparkled. “Well?”

Lloyd kissed Micah’s forehead. “Dork.”

“No dorkier than you, greenie.”

“I love you. Shit, how long have we even been dating?”

“Almost a year.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.” Micah kissed Lloyd’s cheek, nuzzling into his embrace. “And I know everything sucks, but overall I’ve never been happier, since I’ve been with you.”

“Me too. I thought that being a ninja meant I would never have anything normal or ever be… I dunno. But with you I just. It doesn’t matter, yanno? We can just. Be together. I mean, now you’re Samurai X, but—”

“We’ll always be us. I promise. Just now occasionally kicking ass together.”

“Together. I like that.”

“Lloyd…”

“Yeah?”

“You can tell me that you never ever wanna talk about it ever and I’ll never ask again, but… what happened today?”

“I… I want to talk about it, I promise. It’s just.” Lloyd stared at his hands. “I’m going to pause a lot. I might cry some. But I’m going to tell you. Just, you know, for the record. But I only want to say it once. So either bring the team in here or record it.”

“Really?” Micah got out his phone. “Okay, voice memo is on.”

“Alright.”

“This kind of feels like an interview. What happened to you?”

“I got kidnapped by every villain we’ve ever faced. And obviously, I won.”

“Shit. All of them? Wait, how is that possible? Most of them are dead?”

Lloyd shrugged. “It… I don’t know. Maybe dark magic, like that one Day of the Departed, or they were disguises. Really good disguises.”

“Could they have been shades, like projections?”

“Let me ask my broken ankle.” Lloyd leaned down, bringing his ear down to his ankle. “He says no.”

“I healed that.”

“Let me have my dramatic effects. I don’t know how, but, yah. It was… mostly, um… Yah, mostly Morro. That was some fuckshit.”

Lloyd sighed. “Okay, so, not _everyone_. The Preeminent wasn’t there, and neither was the Overlord. Maybe Morro didn’t want to share the spotlight. Pretty much everyone else was there, though. They had a lot of fun beating me up. I got to experience being a human pinata. Check that off the bucket list.

“Okay, and so that happened. It was great. I’m done now. I don’t want to talk about the Venomari acid, or Clouse’s magic, or Morro. I don’t. Nope.”

“Hey, you’re good,” Micah whispered as Lloyd started to seem to shrink inwards. “You don’t have to.”

“You should turn the recording off now; I’m done. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Alright.” Micah turned off the recording. “Are you okay?”

“No.”

“Fair enough.”

“I need a drink.”

“No can do.”

“Chocolate?”

“Sure.”

“Hug me? Please?”

Micah sat down next to Lloyd, holding him close. “I’m here.”

“I fucking hate this.”

“I know.”

“I want my chocolate now.”

“I don’t have any right now. Maybe Zane can make you something.”

“Okay. Then later. I don’t wanna leave my room.”

“Fair enough.”

“I want you to hold me. Like. For three hours.”

“I can do that.”

Lloyd buried his face into Micah’s shoulder, trying not to cry, his whole body shaking.

“Hey, hey, you can cry if you want,” said Micah, rubbing Lloyd’s back. “Just let it out if you need to—that’s it, darling.” He held Lloyd closer as he completely broke down in tears. “That’s it. Let it out. Let it all out.”

 _“It hurt so much,”_ Lloyd sobbed, clinging to Micah as if for dear life.

Micah had no idea what to say, so he didn’t say anything. He held on as tight as Lloyd would let him, tangling his fingers into Lloyd’s hair. Lloyd hummed and nuzzled into Micah’s hand.

“Stimmy?” Micah asked.

“Yeah. Really stimmy. Keep doing it.”

“As you wish.” Micah smiled softly and continued playing with Lloyd’s hair. “I love you, Lloyd.”

“I love you too, Micah.”

Eventually, the pieces would come together a little better, and Micah and the others would understand what Lloyd had been through. Eventually they would find Morro and the others and defeat them all once and for all.

But for now, Micah held Lloyd close to him. That was all he could do.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah so that was long!!!
> 
> tumblrs!!!!
> 
> witchlightsands (rose)
> 
> she-doesnt-even-ninjagohere, stopshippinglloydwithadults, nice-message-brightshipping, mod allura on queenshippingofficial, mod lia on justgreenstormthings (lia)


End file.
